The cunning linguist, vol. 2
Since the first collection seemed to go down well, the inimitable aficionado of Gillanisms David Black has sent us another one. No Staffordshire bull terriers were harmed while preparing this for publication. Or so we’re told.
Smoke On The Water ā Nobodyās Perfect
This may seem like a devilish ploy, but itās one way to bring the proceedings to an end.
Hard Lovinā Women ā Pforzheim 1987
This is a little folk song. Actually, genuinely, this song is about nothing to do with anything apart from tits. Nothing to do with the person attached to them or anything. An entity, I mean, give them a fair shake. Letās be fair. Itās called āHard⦠(band kicks in Gillan’s pause) ā¦Lovinā Womenā
Knockinā At Your Backdoor (clarification) ā Paris, 1985
One thing I ought to tell you before we go any further. In case you got the wrong impression earlier on. When we were doing Knockinā At Your Backdoor and I was talking about nice slippery bums and all that, anal sex and everything else. Heaven forbid that you got the wrong idea. What I was talking about was good old upright Christian heterosexual buggery as opposed to the other kind.
Perfect Strangers ā Nobodyās Perfect ā Irving Meadows, 1987
Untold crimes. They used to asphyxiate people with a bunch of cohorts. Itās named after him in fact, and itās called Perfect Stranglers
The Unwritten Law ā Irving Meadows, 1987
The inspiration for this song we found in a bowl of entrails of a barely dead Staffordshire bull terrier. We did. Jon wasnāt there. Itās a thing called the Unwritten Law.
Bad Attitude ā Budapest, 1987
Itās a new song from the new album, and itās deadly serious, so shut up. Itās called Bad Attitude.
Dead Or Alive ā Stockholm, 1987
This oneās all about what you shouldnāt be doing with hard drugs. Itās an anti-cocaine, anti-smack, anti-whatever. Itās a serious story. Itās a gentle ballad called Dead Or Alive
The Unwritten Law ā Kalamazoo, 1987
While recently examining the entrails of a Staffordshire bull terrier we discovered the secret of diseases, and itās not only coughs and sneezes, but itās also an unwritten law. Thatās the title of this song. Itās called donāt give people what you got in the first place. Staffordshire bull terriers, entrails, diseases. Thatās what this song is about. The Unwritten Law.
Child In Time ā Budokan, 1973
— Itās an old one, a great favourite of ours.
— (possibly Ian Paice) Oh no, itās not.
— Oh yes, it is. Did you understand that? Have you ever been to a pantomime? Itās called Child In Time.
Talk About Love ā Nancy, 1993
Thank you very much. Just sitting here thinking about Jamie Lee Curtis. Practising my overture and what I wanted her to do with my neck. Hereās one that make you go ooh! Itās called Talk About Love. Ooh!
Twist In The Tale ā Nancy, 1993
Hereās another one about Jamie Lee Curtis, and itās all about her tail.
Lazy ā BBC In Concert 2017
This is from a long while ago. It was on a windy day, actually, and she was walking down in front of us. She leant forward into the wind, and I could see her nib-nubs rising above her wellies, closely guarded by four perfect tendons. The like of which you wonāt see better this side of Wembley. And then she licked her lips lasciviously, and I thought Iāll do the same.
All I Got Is You ā BBC IN Concert 2017
That was a few marching tunes to get us going, now time for a little light jazz with a few involuntary avant-garde passages about two disgruntled flat mates.
The Surprising ā BBC IN Concert 2017
Beware of the chair that isnāt there, itās a furniture illusion. If you ever squat on a chair thatās not, youāll suffer some confusion. The monks of vine, crush the wine, get in on their smocks. It dribbles down their legs to their intoxicated socksā¦
(Don interrupts to start.)
Perfect Strangers ā Osaka 1st night 1985
This is a story of an affair I had once with our managerās dog. And has since had to have a hysterectomy because we werenāt truly matched. We still communicate with each other from time to time and I send her flowers, and I still point my finger in the right direction. This is very important when youāre thinking about the whole story because you have to bear in mind due to the underlying emotion. Itās called Perfect Strangers
Under The Gun ā Osaka 1st night 1985
This is something thatās about the things that generally piss us off. Annoying things like god brothers, perpetrators of the worst crimes possible ā like people who think they can leave stupid spotlights on during a laser show and everything else you can think of. This one in German is called ā Under Ze Gun. Thank you.
Child In Time ā Osaka 1st night 1985
This song was written in 1969 in a small room about half the size of this stage. Well, maybe four seventeenths or five seventeenths and a half. Itās stayed with us for a long time, and itās called Child In Time.
Anyoneās Daughter ā Birmingham, 1993
We now have the imminent arrivement, arrivement? arrivement, arrivement. The imminent arrival of a stool. Upon this tool will be sitting a person, here is a microphone and here is a pedal. This pedal will become a blur as the evening wears on. And Iād like to introduce our guest percussionist, Elton John.
Battle Rages On ā Birmingham, 1993
A song about love and hate and how hate always seems to come out on top.
Space Truckinā ā Birmingham, 1993
A little, a little err, a little ā what was it? ā a little Rock and Roll, thatās right. A little Rock & Roll. Nice Bristols, see the tits on that, Rog? Corrgh.
Smoke On The Water ā Genoa, 1973
Just over a year ago now we were in Montreux in Switzerland recording the Machine Head album and this tells the story, this song of the burning down of the casino in Montreux while we were there and all the other silly things, insignificant things that happened while we were there. Actually, basically itās about the burning down of Claude Nobs. We tied his elbows together behind his back, so I think itās chest Nobs ā if you donāt believe that, then Iāve nothing else to say. Itās called Smoke On The Water, this one.
Mary Long ā Genoa, 1973
Hereās one now, itās a new thing off our platter out at the moment. Itās all about an evil situation in England which weāre trying to put to rights. And itās basically about doing away with people like Colin Hart and that sort of person. Itās a thing called Mary Long.
Space Truckinā ā Osaka 1973
Hereās a song you can fiddle about in your trousers to.
Battle rages on ā Stockholm 1993
Hereās a song about love and hate. And how, over the years, over the times, hate always seems to win.







Unauthorized copying, while sometimes necessary, is never as good as the real thing