_|_

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A PURPLE JUNKIE WHEN:

(original concept by Bobby "Baby Blackmore" Gervais)

  1. You have a Purple quote as a .sig
  2. You know the complete DP Family tree, but can trace your own geneaology back one generation.
  3. You have a Direct Payroll Deduction made out to your main bootleg supplier.
  4. You rescue your Purple collection before your kids in a house fire.
  5. Feel satisfied that the only thing you got in your divorce settlement was your Purple collection (although your wife, known as "Bloodsucker", tried to get it as it is the only thing that means something to you and makes you happy).
  6. Name your kids after Purple songs or members.
  7. *ALL* your friends reside in AMDP.
  8. You realize you're being treated with pity by everyone from the criminally insane to mentally challenged.
  9. Fellow Purple freaks perform a "Group Intervention" on your behalf.
  10. You take sides in the "Who's the Bigger Jerk--IG Vs. RB" debate.
  11. You take "Lazy" as your anthem, and live, unemployed, in your parents' basement at age 40.
  12. You "know" who Pony Trekker is.
  13. You ponder on the symbology of the door runes on HOBL.
  14. Wear a Star Fleet uniform and pointed ears to the convention (whoops, wrong group! But not by much).
  15. The fellas at Lost Horizons, Japan, know your credit card # and wife's name by heart.
  16. DP band members ask *you* to clarify points in their history.
  17. You buy an import copy of "Last Concert in Japan".
  18. You refuse to buy the next live commercial album, as you have boots of better performances and quality.
  19. You have more DP paraphenalia other than a shirt, hat or poster.
  20. You never heard of Led Zeppelin or Pearl Jam.
  21. Your blood pressure markedly rises when some yay-hoo claims Jimmy Page and Robert Plant are better than Blackmore and Gillan.
  22. Ingo's book is never more than an arm's-reach away.
  23. You have the DP WWW Page bookmarked, and the digests saved to C:
  24. You understand "Blackheart".
  25. You're referred to "Bootlegger's Anonymous", as you have more boots than legitimate releases.
  26. You consider Glenn Hughes, Joe Lynn Turner, and even Craig Gruber and Don Airey to be household names, and you can recite their complete discographies and band-histories.
  27. You have an "inflatable Strat" instead of an "inflatable woman".
  28. You know that Joe Satriani was in DP at all.
  29. You miss your kid's Baptism to participate in the Tuesday night AOL chat.
  30. You went out and bought some Lutefisk just because Trond likes it..
  31. You read stupid shit like this.
  32. You write stupid shit like this.

If you find that you can answer "Yes" to any of the above, we recommend that you seek 12-step counseling. We'll be there-- We're charter members of the Purple Therapy club!

(Thanks to Sara, Geoff D., Jeff R., and Mike F. for inspiration--MC)

Bobby Gervais & Mark Cantin

[ home ]