There once was a man named Ritchie
He wore garters and looked like a sissy
He loved to play soccer
On his fans he would hocker
When he was mad he would have a hissy

He plays the organ and his name is Lord
And by his fans he is simply adored
Some call him TOMATO
Leslies spin around like tornados
And rooms full of fans are just floored

On drums we have Ian Paice
With little round specs on his face
His arms fly like lightning
His kick speed is frightening
He's so loud they hear him in space

Then there was Nick
When he got fired he got sick
All day he would cry
Ask himself why
Why did Glover get picked?

Along came one named Rod
Whose singing was just odd
On Hush he would croon
His departure was soon
Now for a living he lays sod

On vox is that guy Ian Gallons
Who tried to avoid Blackmore's talons
This man could scream
Like no one it seemed
And he calls Mr. Blackmore imbalanced

It is Roger on bass and production
Twice lured by old Ritchie's induction
In Rainbow and DP
Through times good or creepy
He now gives survival instructions

Stepping in is Randy
His slide on CIT is just dandy
But it was not to be
Thank goodness for me
I smash slides when I've got hammers handy

Glenn is the guy all dressed in white
Can sing like Stevie Wonder all night
From a band called Trapeze
He "whoop-whooped" as he pleased
Till Jon Lord tried to choke him one night

Here we have Redcar's own Dave
Thinks women belong in a cave
If he's right or he's wrong
It won't change his songs
Says, "ooh baby, you be my slave."

Add in Tommy Bolin
Who drugged up even his colon
If he gave up the smack
And got his skills all back
Deep Purple then mighta kept rollin'

Come 'round 85
Thought they'd give it a try
The Battle Raged On
Then Gillan was gone
And Rickie did not even cry

Hey here comes old Joe
His career was goin slow
Said he'd sing no drivel
Bashed Gillan and sniveled
Hey Joe, how low will you go?

Well Gillan came back
Then RB was attacked
Someone had to go
The fans want a show
Then RB got the sack!

Bring in the replacement Satch
This guy is quite a catch
When he played like Ritchie
His fingers got itchy
But it was a pretty close match

Finally we have the new guy Steve Bores
With most guys he wipes up the floors
Is he better than Blackers
This Florida Cracker?
Either answer will cause folks to roar!

Now there you see
Is the complete hist-or-EE
And we wait for the new cd!!!

Come Hell or High Water
We sit and we squatter (??)
But it's all Deep Purple to me!

Thanks to Brad for filling in a few holes for me!